So here we are again with a thought that wants to turn into words and no where else to write them.
For a minute I let something in my head. I let it consume me and make me feel confused, sad and small. Then I remembered who I am. I remembered how hard I’ve worked to get to where I am. I reminded myself that in the grand scheme of things, this is a blip on the screen and in a year this probably won’t matter.
For a minute it stung. I guess because it showed me that I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was and there is still work to be done to get to that point.
Two things I don’t give away easily: my time and my vulnerability. Because they are precious to me and I don’t want them wasted.
These things are emotionally expensive. And even though I’ve spent years building the emotional capital, I don’t think I can afford this yet.
It’s a numbers game and you’re not supposed to put all your eggs in one basket. But I don’t have the time or the energy to carry around a bunch of eggs in a bunch of different baskets.
So I’ll accept the moment for what it was and I’ll appreciate what it taught me. I’ll keep working on me and one day, I might be ready again.