When I was a little girl my mom gave me a letter. It was dated January 1981 and written on the stationary from The Mansion at Turtle Creek. It was a letter written when I was five months old. It was a letter telling me my father died on New Years, that I had four brothers, and how sorry she was I wouldn’t have a dad. She promised to love me and look out for me and hoped that one day I’d be able to understand. I remember everything about that letter.
I first talked to my brothers when I sixteen. I was elated to have finally connected with them, but we lost touch rather quickly. Over the years there was a pattern of me finding them and then losing touch. Eventually myspace and facebook came around and I was finally able to put faces with names. All my life I had dreamed of long conversations getting to know each other. I thought we’d have some sort of bond and I’d finally have these siblings I had been wishing for. But it never happened that way and after awhile I just quit trying. After awhile it was enough to just watch them from a distance via facebook posts.
Over the weekend one of the random posts caught my attention. The youngest of my brothers, the one I had never talked to, was going to be in my city for two weeks. And after a lot of schedule conflicts I was finally walking up a sidewalk to a restaurant where my brother was waiting for me. My heart was racing and I was terrified. It took me a minute to actually open the door knowing that my brother was going to be on the other side.
We hugged and walked back to the table where I met his wife and a bunch of her family members. Dinner was full of awkward pauses. I don’t think either of us really knew what to say. It was interesting to learn about the things we have in common. We both hate having anything on our feet. We have the same eyes and dimples. We’re also incredibly different. He draws and plays golf while I do equations and read economic journals. After dinner we exchanged hugs, took some pictures and promised to see each other again soon.
We’ve had a lot of false starts over the years but I really hope this reunion sticks. It may be the silly daydreams of a lonely little girl, but I still hope to one day have those sibling connections that will help me feel complete.