Monthly Archives: May 2011

Do you remember?

Do you remember me.  I’m still here. I was there when your world came crashing down.  I was content to step back and not push because I knew you had to deal with it in whatever way worked for you.  I tried to be supportive, but you just weren’t receptive to my kind of support.  Part of me is sad and angry at what you let that year do to you.  We were a team and we were doing so well. We had a plan. We knew exactly what we wanted and where we were going and we weren’t about to let anything get in our way.  We were happier than we’d ever been.  We were confident and radiant.  We smiled and finally started coming out of our shell.

And then 2009 happened.  Our great depression.  Everything broke.

It broke my heart to watch you struggle through all that pain. It angered me to watch your self-destruction.  How could someone so strong crumble so easily? You had worked so hard and accomplished so much and it infuriated me to see you throw it all away so easily.  I guess I gave up too. I imagine that I’m just as much to blame.  I walked away when you needed me the most.  Years of hard work, down the drain over something that should have been so trivial.

But I guess broken hearts, minds and bodies are not so trivial when they all happen at once.  But for the love of all things important why the fuck can’t you just snap out of it? It happened. It’s done and there is nothing you can do to change it. That year happened, and I know it was brutal but it’s been two years! When are you going to let go? How much longer can you keep looking back and feeling sorry for yourself?

You keep looking at everything you lost whilst ignoring everything you still have! I’m still here! I believe in you! I know you can do this because you’ve done it before. You survive. No matter what has happened in your life you have always survived.  You keep missing all the things that were toxic and it’s like you totally ignore me, the one that helped you, the one that was actually good for you! Forget them! Move on! I promise your feelings are not reciprocated and pining away is foolish and totally beneath you.

I’m ready to do this, and I know you are too.

So what will do you?


Changing a spigot

The spigot was leaking. I told my mom figuring she would fix it or she would call the landlord to fix it. I know nothing about plumbing, or well… fixing things in general. I know how to glue a 1/12 scale spigot to a doll house, but changing one on a real house? Yea, call the landlord.

My G.I Jane neighbor said there was no was reason I couldn’t fix it. Really? Ya think? What the hell, I’ve been tapping into my inner feminist lately, why the hell not.

Off to Home Depot we go. Next to Staples and Sephora, Home Depot is one of my all time favourite stores.  I don’t know jack about fixing stuff, but I love walking around pretending I do.  So we walk into the store and I inhale that lovely smell of fresh cut lumber and testosterone.  Hells yea! Let’s do this!!!

The lady at the front directed us to aisle 19: Plumbing. Wicked. On our way there me and G.I Jane are being typical women and running our mouths, thus missing aisle 19.  Roy the store associate notices our confused turn about and asks if we need help. Why yes Roy, yes we do.

Roy: Do you need help finding anything? 

Me: Where would I find a spigot?

Roy: What size?

Me: Size matters?

G.I Jane: hysterical laughing. 

Roy: Oh we got a couple comedians here.

And so it went. Roy asking questions, me cracking jokes and G.I Jane laughing like a loon. Eventually we make it out with a wrench, a 1/2 inch spigot, a water key, and some tape stuff. I was really excited. I had a tool. My own tool. My first tool to be honest. Something empowering about having a tool and knowing that you can fix something (so long as that something doesn’t need more than a $3.00 wrench).

We get back to the house and set about starting this project. Found the water thing, and figured out how to use the water key to turn it off. SCORE! So I’m armed with a wrench and ready to attack this spigot. Only to find out that this is one of those projects that’s going to need more than a $3.00 wrench.


Oh and just to make things fun, my new spigot was the wrong size. I found that out when I looked on the old one and saw “3/4” plain as day on the side.


So back to Home Depot we go. I see Roy walking down the main aisle. I think he attempted a turnabout before I called him out. He leads us back to spigots, gets me a 3/4 inch one and makes some “I told you so” remark.  I guess to be fair he did tell me that the 3/4 inch was probably the one I needed, but me in all my “I’m a math major and can tell what size shit is” brilliance, decided that looked too big and couldn’t possibly be right. This probably is a clue as to why I did so poorly in the very spatial awareness oriented multivariate calculus class, but alas I digress.

Back to the house armed with a 3/4 inch spigot, and a $9 pipe wrench. Now I own TWO tools and I’m pretty sure this qualifies me to be a contractor. I might even look into Construction Management as a career option. I’m obviously made for this stuff! With some “right-tighty lefty-loosey” and a lot of swearing we got the old spigot off without breaking the pipe. WIN! Put the plastic tape stuff around the the pipe, and then twisted the new spigot on. Went to turn the water back on and then stood for a moment admiring my awesome work.

Moment of truth.

Turned it on and wow! It was running perfectly. Nothing broke, exploded, leaked, or caught on fire.

I have since made it a point to pause for a moment before walking in the front door and appreciate my new spigot. There’s something empowering about it.  I know it seems like a relatively simply chore, but home improvement isn’t really in my bag of tricks, so it’s kinda a big deal.

Now I’m walking around the house with a pipe wrench looking for something else I can fix.

Cooking with my daughter.

Defrosting chicken in the microwave. 

Me: Go push start on the microwave

Jess: What numbers do I push?

Me: None. Just push start.

Jess: Yea but what numbers.

Me: No numbers. It’s already set, just push start.

Jess: No numbers?

Me: No numbers.

Jess: Just start?

Me: Just start.

Jess: Yea but….

Me: No but. No numbers. JUST START!

Jess: But…


Jess: I pushed it.

Me: THANK you.

Jess: No big.