And with that I bid it adieu…

Back on my meds.
Back in therapy.
Back to the isolation that I tried to escape.

My experiment with life off meds has ended. I guess I just have to accept the fact that I need them. I think one can only fake a personality for so long. I imagine that accounts for how tired I always feel. It is exhausting trying to be be a version of yourself. I’d compare it to an attempt at standing on tiptoes for extended periods of time. It’s still you, just a different version…one which is virtually impossible to maintain for any significant amount of time. It’s fun to try on here and there, but living like that just isn’t feasible.

So now I’m back to my regular height and trying to get used to being small again.

I’ll pop these pills, and talk to this therapist and hope for the best.

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About thistlesandweeds

I'm pretty much a big deal. View all posts by thistlesandweeds

3 responses to “And with that I bid it adieu…

  • April

    You’re not small… 😦 You don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re an amazing person. So ya have to pop a pill to feel normal, hundreds of thousands do the same. That doesn’t define you, therapy doesn’t define you.
    And also…I love you!

  • Shelly

    good for you! I know that this was a post from months ago. I look forward to continue reading about your journey. The comment by the person above is so right on! I keep poppin’ my pills because I don’t want to go back to the person it took a whole year to unravel and then reknit into something that is truly me. My therapist was amazing. I miss her tremendously. I am with a new therapist for periodic checkups because the clinic my previous therapist is at has changed their policy about outside clients. My previous therapist will be a consultant and have referrals from in house. We were basically done with my treatment plan…I had met all my goals. It was time for me to spread my wings and fly.

    • thistlesandweeds

      Since this post I’ve quit meds and therapy. The side effects of the meds weren’t worth the minimal benefit. I hated feeling so numb. I also miss my therapist so much. She saved my life a couple years ago when I was tiptoeing on the edge. Right when I was making really good progress she was gone. She tried to prepare me but it was still a huge blow. I never felt as connected to any of the other therapists, so I just quit. I don’t think she’d be pleased with that decision, but I think she would give me credit for really thinking it out and not being impulsive.

      Speaking of spreading wings and flying, I highly recommend the book “Hope for the Flowers” by Trina Paulus. It helps me get through the really low cycles.

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